Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Things to do right before you die

The most important part of a good death is remembering all the fun stuff you've done before you died. So, because most people's lives suck, it is recommended that you do some of the following:
  • When you see somebody grilling, run into their yard, grab the meat, throw it on the ground and stomp on it while yelling "pickle-juice!!!!!!" at the top of your lungs (If you plan on committing suicide, this is the surest way)
  • Make a mess in every public bathroom you enter
  • Stand in public doorways telling people you don't feel like moving
  • Grease the monkey bars at all playgrounds
  • Follow random people all the way into their house and eat all their food
  • Wait in the bushes with paintball gun during mischief night (you know what to do from there)
  • Brag to everyone about how you got the latest version of AOL for free in the mail
  • Buy a new item which you've longed for about a year then refrain from using, eating, playing with, touching, seeing, hearing, smelling, or thinking about it for about a week then preceed to use the item in the way you see fit if you remember what it was or were it was.
  • Tell people you did their mom. Also tell them to go pick some.
  • Lick door knobs right before people can leave the room
  • Randomly scream "paranormaitly desciptvidly conjucationalized hikikomorian" at the top of your lungs
  • Pretend to run a cheese store but carry only pickles.
  • Ask people questions over and over
  • When someone is trying to tell you a story say, "Could you tell me the beginning of that middle part of the end please?"
Then, when they're done, ask them about the beginning, then the end, until they don't remember what they were talking about.
  • Prank phone call everyone in the phone book telling everyone your name is john Jackson.
Actually, besides being just fun, many of these things could directly lead to your certain death. And when you do die nobody will give a damn because you suck and died a virgin. You also still live with your mother. The Game.